So you've decided to get your first tattoo. On your hand. Great.

But sorry, no. Not at Cardinal Tattoo. Not ever.

Unless you already have one of those done. Or you've already covered a large amount of your body with tattoo. Or you can prove to us that you're independently wealthy. Or a felon.

Here's why: There’s this thing called gainful employment and if you get your hands, neck, or face tattooed you can pretty much forget about it. Think about your dream job: great pay, benefits, lots of vacation time, totally awesomesauce. One problem, you can't have any visible tattoos. Life ruined. If you're rich this isn't an issue because rich people don't have to live by regular people rules and if you're a felon, well, you're already screwed, what's one more bad decision right?

People that are heavily tattooed are different. They've had time to adjust to the way society treats them and they've made peace with or at least learned how to maneuver in a culture that still doesn't accept them. In short, they've earned it. You? You're 19 and think you know better than someone who's been tattooing professionally for almost as long as you've been alive. You don't know what life has to offer and the hard road that you're paving for yourself because you don't want to listen to what those who have been through it are telling you.

So we're going to clear things up for you. If you want your hands, neck, or face tattooed and you don't meet the above criteria don't even bother. We'll tell you once what a bad idea it is, nicely, and if you insist you'll be asked to leave. Nicely. (We're always nice, until it's time to not be nice anymore. Thanks Patrick Swayze!)

Another important thing to remember about getting those impossible-to-hide tattoos prematurely: It doesn't speed you to the front of the 'We got a badass here' line. Quite the opposite, it makes you look like an ignorant jabroni, a poser, a jerk, a dipshit, moron or a tool, a dumbass or fuck stick, etc., etc., etc. So don't embarrass yourself. Tattoos are permanent and time should be invested into collecting them before you go all Al Pacino and jump in the deep end of the social reject pool with both feet by getting your throat or face done. I don't care what you saw on Pinterest, it's not cool.

But, if you're a tattooed badass (a real one) and you're ready to take the next step in your tattoo career, Cardinal Tattoo is the place for you!